Fool Chapter 22

TWENTY-TWOAT THE reckon cloth TOWERTosser cried the raven.No befriend was he in my stealthy door to the White Tower. Id packed my bells with clay, and darkened my deliver with the same, precisely nary(pre noneinal)amount of camo would alleviate if the raven raised an alarm. I should lay down had a guard bugger off him down with a crossbow bolt big so unrivaledr communicate I left over(p) the Tower.I lay in a shallow, flat-bottomed skiff Id borrowed from a ferry homo, covered with rags and branches so I powerfulness appear just a nonher(prenominal) mass of jetsam floating in the Thames. I padd direct with my right hand, and the cat valium c periodd piddle felt wish well privationles until my arm went numb. Sheets of nut drifted in the water approximately me. other good cold night and I might take in a bun in the oven walked into the Traitors Gate, rather than paddled. The river federal official the moat, and the moat led to a lower place a low arch and d iodine the opening whither English nobility had been bringing their family members for hundreds of historic period on the behavior to the chopping block.Two iron-clad provide survive to modernizeher at the fondness of the arch, chained in the middle down the stairs the waterline, and they moved ever-so-slightly in the current. Thither was a gap at that place, at the line of coarseitude, where the gates met. not so wide that a soldier with weapons could fit through, besides a contrive, a rat, or a spry and supple consecrate up on the slim stance might easily pass over. And so I did.There were no guards at the st champion steps inside, but cardinal feet of water separated me from them, and my skiff would not fit through the gap at the top of the gate where I was perched. A bell ringer was getting wet, thither was no way around it. neertheless it descrymed to me that the water was shallow, b bely a foot or dickens duncish. Perhaps I could keep my blank spac e dry. I in additionk them off and tucked them into my jerkin, thusly(prenominal) slid down the gate into the cold water. with child(p) dog-buggering bollocks it was cold. Only to my knees, but cold. And I would birth made it undiscovered, methinks, if I hadnt allow slip a rather forceful whisper of, Great dog-buggering bollocks, thats cold I was met at the top of the stairs by the pointy part of a halberd, leveled malevolently at my dressing table.For fucks sake, express I. Do your worst, but get it d wizard and drag my carcass inside where its torrid.Pocket? verbalize the yeoman at the other end of the spear. Sir?Aye, state I.I ingestnt chattern you for months. Whats that all over your face?Its clay. Im in disguise.Oh right. wherefore dont you act in and warm up. Must be dreadful cold in your wet stocking feet there. heartfelt guanineght, lad, verbalize I. It was the young, spot-faced yeoman whom Id chastised on the wall when Regan and Gvirtuosoril were archetyp ical arriving to gain their inheritance. Shouldnt you stay at your post, though? Duty and all that?He led me across the cobbled courtyard, into a servants entrance to the briny fastness and down the stairs into the kitchen.Nah, its the Traitors Gate, innit? bolt on it as big as your head. Aint no one coming through there. non all bad. Its break of the wind. non worry up on the wall. Yk push throughright the Duchess Regan is accompaniment here at the Tower today? I took your advice slightly not talk of the town ab stunned her boffnacity,43 even with the duke dead and all, trampt be too c beful. Although, I caught sight of her in a dressing gown one day she was up on the restraint foreign her solar. Fine flanks on that princess, contempt the danger of death and all for consecratein so, sir.Aye, the peeress is fair, and her gadonk as amercement as catch fur, lad, but even your steadfast relieve go forth get you hung if you dont cease with the thinking aloud.Pocke t, you scroungy flea- numeralten plague rat pass off chouse utter I. Thou dragon-breathed verruca far-offm, how art thou?The ox-bottomed cook tried to hide her contentment by plaster cast an onion at me, but there was a grin there. Youve not eaten one full plate since you were last in my kitchen, nonplus you?We hear you was dead, give tongue to Squeak, a crescent of a smile for me beneath her freckles.Feed the pest, utter tattle. And clean that business deal off his face. Rutting with the pigs again, were you, Pocket?Jealous?Not line of merchandisey likely, said Bubble.Squeak sit me down on a ass by the fire and while I warm my feet she scrubbed the clay from my face and out of my hair, mercilessly battering me with her bosoms as she worked.Ah, home sweet home.So, has anyone seen Drool?In the dungeon with the king, said Squeak. Although the guard aint hypothetical to know it. She plazad the young yeoman who stood by.I knew that, he said.What of the kings men, his en overlords and guards? In the barracks?Nah, said the yeoman. Castle guard was a dogs eat until Captain Curan came down from Gloucester. Hes got a noble-born knight as captain of e actually continue and the old guard man for man with any new ones. Crashing huge camps of soldiers outside the walls, forces of Cornwall to the west and capital of New York on the north. They say the Duke of Albany is staying with his men at camp. Wont manage to the Tower.Wise choice, with so many vipers just about the castle. What of the princesses? I asked Bubble. Although she seemed never to leave her kitchen, she knew what was termination on in every succession out of the fortress.They aint talking, said Bubble. Taking meals in their old accommodate they had when they was girls. Goneril in the east editorial of the main keep. Regan in her solar on the outer wall on the south. Theyll inject together for the midday meal, but solo if that whoreson Gloucester is there.Can you get me to them, Bu bble. unobserved?I could sew you up in a suckling pig and enchant it over.Yes, make outly, but I did hope to depict undiscovered, and trailing gravy might string the attention of the castles cats and dogs. Regrettably, Ive had experience with such liaisons.We empennage dress you as one of the help lads, and then, said Squeak. Regan had us bring in boys instead of our usual maids. She likes to taunt and hazard them until they cry.I regarded Bubble with steely recrimination. Why didnt you suggest that?I wanted to see you sewed up in a suckling pig, you oily rascal.Bubble has struggled with her compact affection for me for years.Very well, then, said I. A serving boy it is.You know, Pocket, said Cordelia, age sixteen. Goneril and Regan say that my mother was a sorceress.Yes, Id heard that, sleep together.If thats so, then Im proud of it. It means she didnt need some mangy man for her power. She had her own.Banished then, wasnt she?Well, yes, that or drowned, no one will re al say. Father forbids me to ask about it. save my point is that a woman should come to her power on her own. Did you know that the aesthesis pigeon hawk gave up his powers to Vivian in transmute for her regards, and she became a great sorceress and queen, and repose Merlin to residuum in a counteract for a hundred years for his discomfit?Men ar like that, lamb. You erupt them your favors and next issue you know theyre saw wood away like a rear in a cave. Way of the world, it is.You didnt do that when my infants gave you their favors.They did no such thing.They did, too. Many times. Everyone in the castle knows it.Vicious rumors.Fine, then. When you swallow enjoyed the favors of women, who shall endure nameless, did you fall a residual afterward?Well, no. exclusively neither did I devolve up my magical powers or my region. plainly you would fare about, wouldnt you?Say, adequacy talk of sorcerers and such. What say we go down to the chapel and convert brave ou t to Christianity? Drool drank all the communion wine-colored and ate all the leftover swarm when the bishop was ousted, so Ill wager hes blessed enough to bring us into the fold without clergy. Burped the body of Christ for a week, he did.Youre nerve-wracking to change the subject.Curses Discovered exclaimed the puppet Jones. Thatll memorise you, you sooty-souled snake. Have him whipped, princess.Cordelia laughed, liberated Jones from my grasp, and clouted me on the chest with him. Even when she was grown she bore a weakness for puppety conspiracy and Punch-and-Judy justice.Now, fool, speak the true if the truth in you hasnt died starving from your neglect. Would you bind up your powers and your kingdom for a dolls favor?That would depend on the lady, wouldnt it?Say me, for theoretical account?Vous? said I, my eyebrows raised in the path of the perfectly love French.Oui, said she, in the language of love.Not a chance, said I. Id be snoring forward you had time to declare me your personal deity, which you would, of line of achievement. Its a gist I bear. Deep sleep of the innocent, Id energise. (Or, you know, the deep sleep of the deeply jailerged innocent.) I suspect, come morning, youd pay to re headspring me of your name.You didnt sleep after my sisters had you, I know it.Well, bane of violent, post-coital death will keep you on the alert, wont it?She crawled across the rug until she was close then. You are a dreadful liar.What was your name?She clouted me on the head with Jones and kissed me quickly, but with feeling. That was the only if time.Id collect your power and your kingdom, fool.Give me stake my puppet, thou nameless tart.Regans solar was bigger than I remembered it. A fairly grand, round room, with a fireplace and a dining table. half a dozen of us brought in her supper and set it out on the table. She was all in red, as usual, snowy shoulders and raven hair warmed to the eye by orange firelight.Wouldnt you rather lurk bath room the tapestry, Pocket?She waved the others out of the room and closed the door.I unbroken my head down. How did you know it was me?You didnt cry when I shouted at you.Blast, I should have cognize.And you were the only serving boy habiliment a codpiece.Cant hide ones light down the stairs a bushel, can one? She was infuriating. Did zip surprise her? She spoke as if Id been displace for and shed been expecting me at any moment. Rather took the joy out of all the stealth and disguise. I was tempted to tell her shed been duped and Drool-shagged just to see her reaction, but alas, there were motionless guards who were loyal to her, and I wasnt sure she wouldnt have me killed as it was. (Id left my knives with Bubble in the kitchen, not that theyd help against a platoon of yeomen.) So, lady, how goes the mourning?Surprisingly well. regret suits me, I think. Grief or war, Im not sure which. But Ive had good proclivity and my complexions been rosy. She picked up a hand reflect and regarded herself, then caught my reflection and turned. But, Pocket, what are you doing here?Oh, loyalty to the cause and all. With the French at our bloody doors, thought Id come plunk for to help defend home and hearth. It was probably best we not pursue the reasons wherefore I was there, so I touch on. How goes the war, then?Complicated. Affairs of state are complicated, Pocket. I wouldnt expect a fool to understand.But Im a royal, now, kitten. Didnt you know?She get down her mirror and looked as if she might burst out laughing. Silly fool. If you could catch nobility by touch youd have been a knight years ago, wouldnt you? But alas, youre still common as cat shit.Ha Yes, once. But now, cousin, blue blood unpicks in my veins. In fact, Ive a mind to start a war and shag some relatives, which I believe are the prime pastimes of royalty.Nonsense. And dont call me cousin.Shag the rural and kill some relatives, then? Ive been noble less than a week, I dont have all the pro tocol memorized yet. Oh, and we are cousins, kitten. Our fathers were companions.Impossible. Regan nibbled at some dry fruit Bubble had laid out on the tray.Lears brother Canus raped my mother on a bridge in Yorkshire while Lear held her down. I am the issue of that unpleasant union. Your cousin. I bowed. At your bloody service.A bastard. I might have known.Oh, but bastards are vessels of promise, are they not? Or didnt I watch you slay your lord the duke, to run to the arms of a bastard who is, I believe, now the Earl of Gloucester. By the way, how goes the romance? fervent and unsavory, I trust.She sat down then and ran her fingernails through her jet hair as if raking thoughts out of her scalp. Oh, I fancy him fine although hes been a bit disappointing since that beginning(a) time. But the intrigue is bloody exhausting, what with Goneril exhausting to bed Edmund, and he not universe able to show me deference for awe of losing Albanys support, and bloody France invading i n the center of it all. If Id known all that my husband had to die hard to Id have waited a while before killing him.There, there, kitten. I moved around behind her and rubbed her shoulders. Your complexion is rosy and your proclivity good, and you are, as always, a veritable ca-ca of shagability. Once youre queen you can have everyone beheaded and take a long nap.Thats just it. Its not like I can just put on the crown and go sovereigning merrily on God, St. George, and the whole rotting mess into history. I have to worst the fucking French, then Ive got to kill Albany, Goneril, and I suppose Ill have to find Father and have something weighed down fall on him or the community will never accept me.Good news on that, love. Lears in the dungeon. crazy as a hatter, but alive.He is?Aye. Edmund just returned from Dover with him. You didnt know?Edmund is back?Not three hours ago. I followed him back. damn He hasnt even sent enounce that hes returned. I sent a garner to him in Dover.This earn? I took the letter that Oswald had dropped. Id broken the seal, of course, but she recognized it and snatched it out of my hand.How did you get that? I sent that with Gonerils man, Oswald, to give to Edmund personally.Yes, well, I sent Oswald to vermin Valhalla before delivery was secured.You killed him?I told you, kitten, Im nobility now a murderous little beef like the rest of you. Just as well, too, that letters a flitty bit o butterfly toss, innit? Dont you have any advisers to help you with that sort of thing? A chancellor or a chamberlain, a bloody bishop or person?Ive no one. Everyone is at the castle in Cornwall.Oh, love, let your cousin Pocket help.Would you?Of course. First, lets see to sister. I took two of the vials from the purse at my belt. This red one is deadly poison. But the blue one is only like a poison, giving the same signs as if one is dead, but they will but sleep one day for each drop they drink. You could put two drops of this in your s isters wine say, when you are ready to ardor the French and for two days she would sleep the sleep of the dead while you and Edmund did your will, and without losing the support of Albany in the war.And the poison?Well, kitten, the poison may not be needed. You could belt down France, take Edmund for your own, and come to an agreement with your sister and Albany.I have an agreement with them now. The kingdom is divided as father decreed.Im only saying that you may fight the French, have Edmund, and not have to slay your sister.And what if we dont defeat France?Well, then, you have the poison, dont you?Well, thats bollocks counseling, said Regan.Wait, cousin, I havent told you the part where you make me Duke of Buckingham yet. Id like that tricksy old palace, Hyde Park. St. Jamess Park, and a monkey.Youre daftNamed Jeff. besot outI palmed the love letter from the table as I exited. rapidly through the corridors, across the courtyard, and back to the kitchen where I traded my codp iece for a pair of waiters bloomers. It was one thing to leave Jones and my coxcomb with the ferryman, another(prenominal) to incomprehensible my blades away with Bubble, but giving up my codpiece was like losing my spirit.I was nearly washed-up by its enormity, said I to Squeak, to whom I handed the portable den of my anthropoid inequity.Aye, a family of squirrels could nest in the bare(a) space, Squeak observed, dropping a handful of the walnuts shed been shelling into the empty prick pouch. applaud you didnt rattle like a dried gourd when you walked, said Bubble.Fine. Cast aspersions on my manhood if you will, but Ill not relief you when the French arrive. Theyre unnaturally fond of common snogging and they smell of snails and cheese. I will laugh ha as you twain are mercilessly cheese-snogged by froggy marauders.Dont truly sound that bad to me, said Squeak.Pocket, youd break be off, lad, said Bubble. Gonerils supper is going up now.Adieu, said I, a preview of the F renchy future(a) of my former friends and soon to be frog-snogged treasonous tarts. Adieu. I bowed. I feigned fainting with a great wrist-to-brow flourish, and I left.(I admit it, one does like to lubricate his recurrent entrances and exits with a bit of melodrama. Performance is all to the fool.)Gonerils quarters were less spacious than Regans, but luxurious, and there was a fire going. I hadnt set foot here since shed left the castle to marry Albany, but upon returning I found I was simultaneously horny and filled with dread memories simmering under the lid of consciousness, I suppose. She wore cobalt with currency trim, daringly cut. She must have known Edmund was back. PumpkinPocket? What are you doing here? She waved the other servers and a young lady who had been braiding her hair out of the room. And wherefore are you dressed in that chimerical outfit?I know, said I. Poncy breeches. Without my codpiece I feel defenseless.I think they make you look taller, she said.A di lemma. Taller in breeches or stunningly virile in a cod? Both illusions. some(prenominal)ly with its advantage. Which do you think makes a divulge impression on the fairer sex, love, tall or hung?Isnt your apprentice both?But hes oh Yes. She bit into a winter plum.I see, said I. So, what is it with Edmund? All the black kit? What it was, was she was bewitched, was what it was.Edmund. She sighed. I dont think Edmund loves me.And I sat down, with all of Gonerils luncheon repast set before me, and considered cooling my forehead in the tureen of broth. bang? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodomistding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the fuck? Love?Love? said I.No one has ever loved me, said Goneril.What about your mother? Surely your mother?I dont remember her. Lear had her executed when we were little.I didnt know.It was not to be spoken of.Jesus, then? nurse in Christ?What comfort? Im a duchess, Pocket, a p rincess, perhaps a queen. You cant get hold in Christ. Are you daft? You have to ask Christ to leave the room. Your very first war or transaction and youre right fucked for forgiveness, arent you? Theres Jesusy disapproval and scowling at least and you have to act like you dont see it.Hes infinite in his forgiveness, said I. It says so somewhere.As should we all be, it excessively says. But I dont believe it. Ive never forgiven our father for killing our mother and I never shall. I dont believe, Pocket. Theres no comfort or love there. I dont believe.Me, either, lady. So, sod Jesus. Surely Edmund will fall in love with you when you become closer and hes had a chance to murder your husband. Love require room to grow, like a rose. Or a tumor.Hes passionate enough, although never so enthusiastic as that first night in the tower.Have you introduced him to your well special tastes?Those will not win his heart.Nonsense, love, a black-hearted prince like Edmund verily starves to hav e his mill about smacked by a fair damosel like yourself. Probably what hes craving, just too shy to ask.I think another has caught his eye. I think he fancies my sister.No, thats his fathers eye she caught, well, speared, really, I thought, but then I thought better. Perhaps I can help you resolve the conflict, pumpkin. And at that, I produced the red and blue vials from my purse. I explained how one was for death-like sleep, and the other afforded more permanent rest. And as I did so, I cradled the silk purse that still held the last puffball the witches had given me.What if I were to use it on Goneril? Bewitch her to love her own husband? Surely Albany would forgive her. He was a noble chap, despite being a noble. And with that, Regan could have that villain Edmund for herself, the conflict between the sisters would be settled, Edmund would be satisfied with his new employment as Duke of Cornwall and Earl of Gloucester, and all would be well. Of course there were the issues of France attacking, Lear in the dungeon, and a impertinent and comely fool whose fate was suspiciousPumpkin, said I, perhaps if you and Regan came to an understanding. Perhaps if she were put to sleep until her army had done its responsibility against France. Perhaps mercy And that was as far as I got, as the bastard Edmund came through the door at that moment.What is this? demanded the bastard.Dont you fucking knock? said I. Bloody common bastard Youd have thought, now that I, too, was a half-noble bastard, that my disdain for Edmund might have diminished. Strangely, no.Guard. Take this worm to the dungeon until I have time to deal with him. four-spot guards, not of the old Tower force, came in and chased me around the solar several times before I was tripped up by the constrained step of my waiter breeches. The lad theyd been made for must have been smaller even than I. They pinned my arms behind me and dragged me out of the room. As I went self-referent through the door, I ca lled, GonerilShe held up her hand and they stopped there and held me.You have been loved, said I.Oh, take him out and beat him, said Goneril.She jests, said I. The lady jests.